Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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