You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think my moral compass just broke
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize