so let's talk penis.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
