i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
