i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
