Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Randomize
