imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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