I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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