im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
