My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
