the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
