I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
