mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
