I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
