having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
