the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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