is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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