There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
