The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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