let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
