Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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