so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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