Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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