have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
