I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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