you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
