Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
