Little spoons don't ask big questions
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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