I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
