Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
