I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
barbara walters just said penis...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
