She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
