Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
