there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
