If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
