My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize