I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
