So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
