go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i was born a porn star she said
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
