Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize