Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
