I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
