Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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