I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
