I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
