he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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