did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
