He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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