Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
