You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
