Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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