Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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