I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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