did you get engaged???
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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