I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
