A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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