How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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