I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
