ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
