the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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