She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
