I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
