great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
