Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
there is puke in my bra ... again
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