She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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