He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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