I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
