Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
