just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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