I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
