i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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